There WAS knife crime at the Jerk Festival - all those poor, dear slaughtered animals being carved up.
Cellar Door feels it is about time that someone mentioned this appalling-ness that is carried out on our doorsteps every year. Somebody has to speak for the animals.
I'll be the one hugging a tree in the Horniman Gardens next year weeping through my gas mask to control the fumes of cooking flesh reaching my very sensitive nose and causing my empathy to spin out of control.