I’ve so enjoyed reading this thread over the years since late 2010. And it all started because of that cock running around the cemetery!
Do you use the Forvo pronunciation website?
Cafe is quite interesting on Forvo. TopQuark (Male from United Kingdom) pronounces it most pleasingly to my ears without any stress domination of either syllable. But I believe that he is the only one to get cafe correct as opposed to café. I forgive Mollydub (Female from Ireland) as she is one of my favourite users. Check out the beauty of her effin’. There is a gorgeous softness and a lurking brutality in her pronunciation.
Oh, TopQuark actually addresses this subject of stress in English words from the third paragraph in his User’s Info.
I’ve been very much enjoying Fry’s English Delight each Monday morning on the radio. This week it was all about our spelling system getting all chaotic. Have you also been tuning in?