Let's get this straight. Random dogs bite you. Children cry when then see you and fireworks mysteriously explode near you. Hmmmmmmmm............

Two random dogs have bitten me in my 35 years, yes. On both occasions after the owner glibly assured me that this was not about to happen.

Children cry, run about, make noise, and behave badly. This may be hard for you to believe, but this phenomenon is not unique to me. I don't think it's beyond the bounds of human capacity for parents to realise when their little darlings are annoying other people, but maybe I'm crediting some people with too much intelligence.

I have had fireworks thrown at or near me.

Big deal. If that makes me some kind of Unlucky Alf, so be it.

And I don't use smileys.