Occasionally I play games with the people who call to say "Someone in your household has had an accident".

Sometimes I try to shame them: "Does your mother know you do this for a living?" Or "You know you're telling lies."

Sometimes I pretend I've misunderstood and yell: "Oh my God! Who's had an accident? Are they in hospital? What's happened???" (I thought up this response when my daughter was at home alone one time, answered the phone to these idiots and believed that, indeed, someone was trying to tell her that one of us had been involved in an accident. Not pleasant.)

But usually I just give them a two-word response. "Go away," or something like that.

Nope, not proud of myself for any of this, but if it makes them feel just a little bit miserable, maybe they'll start to think that there has to be better jobs than this in a fast-growing, low-unemployment economy like the one they're calling from.